Please welcome Tali of Imperfectly Perfect...
I am here to fill in for the talented Miss Shannon who is busy right now getting hitched. (Woo hoo!) When Shannon asked me a few weeks back if I would like to fill in for her, I was truly flattered that she had asked me, and of course I accepted her offer. Not wanting to disappoint, and having to step into her shoes (very talented shoes if I may say so myself), I sat in front of this computerized blank piece of paper and couldn't find the words for my thoughts. What can I write? What do I want to say?
I was asked to write about long-term love and relationships. That should be simple. Naturally, I thought that since I am in a long-term relationship, I could tell you all about it. But I wanted something else, something different, perhaps a different perspective. So here it goes...
I am Tali. I share my life with my amazing husband, Shay. In Hebrew, "Shay" means gift, and he truly is one for me. See, I was married before to someone else, and that didn't work out, and just when I thought I could never find something better, I did. I know it sounds cliche, but we really have a perfect relationship. By perfect, I don't mean we don't fight or argue, or drive each other nuts at times, because frankly, I don't think that kind of relationship exists. By perfect, I mean that no matter what, we love each other, we support one another, and are always there by the other's side.
I've had my share of relationships in the past, and in my line of work as a wedding photographer, I get to observe other couples interact with each other. Not all relationships are the same and not all couples are alike, but there are a few "guidelines" that can help build and maintain a loving healthy relationship. For Shay and me, these are the core ingedients I've found important.
Balance. A good relationship is all about balance. It's always a balancing act that goes back and forth. It's impossible for two people to always be equal - love the same, give the same, do the same. But when you keep things balanced, you each feel that what you're giving into the relationship, you are also giving back.
Communicate. I think that kinda explains itself, but I'll elaborate anyways. It is impossible to share your life with someone with a lack of communication. It's the key to everything. If two people can't find a way to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship doesn't stand much of a chance. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly and directly.
Be open and honest. The more honest and open you are, the better. Yes, most couples have a few little secrets from each other. I guess that's inevitable, but I really do think you should try and avoid secrecy and dishonesty.
Spend time together. For me, this is an easy one, as both of us love to spend time together. Actually, in a perfect world, we'd do everything together, but that's us. That's not really the norm. Most people need their space and that's good. It's important to maintain your "me time" but it's just as important to invest enough time together as well.
Date and romance. After you've settled into a relationship, especially when you move in together, it seems that the romance and courtship go down the drain. Don't let it. We try to have at least one night a week in which we go on a date. Doesn't matter what you do, just leave the house and spend the day, an afternoon, an evening, just the two of you.
Resolve things. We have a rule. We never let a fight go unresolved. It's okay to fight and argue, but you have to resolve it. Don't mall on it, don't leave it just like that, and don't play games. If you resolve things on the spot, they stay there. They don't linger. They surface back later on in the future. There is nothing worse than walking around all day mad at each other. And don't forget to kiss and make up. ;)
Love with all your heart. If you're in a relationship, then be in it. Give it your all. Don't hold back. It's the best thing to love and be loved!
And now, before I leave Shannon's kingdom, I'd like to wish Shannon and Hal a very long and happy life together. Live, love, and be merry.
{Image by Tali Schiffer}
